Monday, December 23, 2013

There’s No Place for Coming Out for the Holidays!


Some tips for Gay Kids for a More Peaceful Holiday with Straight Folks

Do’s and Don’ts For the Holidays:
  •  Don’t push your agenda on your relatives.  While you may want to educate them about your gay lifestyle and how you feel more honest about “being out,” save your coming out for a more relaxed time.
  • If your parents have a hard time accepting alternate lifestyles, don’t expect things to be magically different during the holidays.
  • You don’t want to lend more stress to the holiday quest for perfection: perfect meal, perfect home, perfect gifts to compliment the recipients.
  • It’s best not to introduce your signficant other to the family at this time.  Wait until the “holiday craziness” is over and your family can focus on welcoming your partner.
  • However, if your partner is already with you in your parents’ home, and your parents put in your old bedroom with twin beds, don’t grouse about it.  Remember it’s their house!

Do:

  • Have an escape plan.  Pick your battles.  You should be treated with respect.  Don’t compromise your own beliefs, but don’t demand that your family share all your beliefs. Take a time out if your emotions escalate.
  • ·     Remember that these are your parents and with time, they will come to accept your orientation. You’re the same person you’ve always been and whom they’ve loved all along.
  • Keep in mind that the visit with the family won’t last forever.  Try to enjoy yourself.  The visit will soon be over and you will be in your own home. 

Sunday, December 15, 2013


Whose Life Is It Anyway?

Many parents have trouble believing that their teens are gay.  To them, it’s a phase that their kids are passing through.  They can rationalize all they want. “ How could you be? You’re too young to know!”

It’s difficult for parents to shift mental sets and assimilate the new data of what it means to have a gay child. At first, they are unable to reconcile a gay child’s homosexuality with their heterosexual notions of their child’s identity and future life plans, according to Jonathan Tobkes, M.D.,  a Manhattan psychiatrist who sees many gay teens in his private practice.

Call it denial on the parent’s part or homophobia, but in this instance, it’s the child who knows best. Your child may have been aware of his sexual orientation since early childhood.  He/she doesn’t want to hear from you that it’s a stage when he/she is certain of his sexual orientation. 

Even if you don’t understand, there are others who do and will make the acceptance of his identity easier for you.  

Tips for Greater Understanding 

Dr. Tobkes suggests the following to make the adjustment to the coming out easier:
  • ·      You might try individual or family therapy.
  • ·      Talk to friends whom you trust.
  • ·      Join a Support Group such as PFLAG,( Parents and Friends of Lesbians & Gays), with national chapters.
  • ·      Utilize ongoing open and direct conversations with your child.
  • ·      Educate yourself with literature, online websites for parents of gays, and reputable videos or programs.



  

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Salvation Army’s Latest Move More Than A Mere Drop In The Bucket


In the past few years, I have avoided the Salvation Army bellringers outside of Publix and the Post Office.  As cute as their volunteers look with their elf-like caps, colorful aprons, and bells in hand, I averted my eyes as I walked past them because I would not give a dime to their organization that discriminates against gays.

Past Discriminations

In 2011, several LGBT advocates advocated a boycott of donations to the Salvation Army.  According to NBC, they cited allegations that the evangelical charity refused to serve LGBT people because it considered them “sexually impure.” Their relationship with the LGBT community has been strained to say the least.

Salvation Army’s More LGBT-Friendly Tone

However, as recently as November 26, the Christian organization is trying to fulfill its new anti-discrimination policy which prohibits the denial of services or employment based on race, religion, ancestry, national origin, sex or sexual orientation. 

In a response to a request from  Truth Wins Out, an LGBT organization, The Salvation Army, on November 26, removed two links to ‘ex-gay’ therapy groups from its website’s resource collection for dealing with ‘sexual addiction.’ Those were conversion sites Harvest USA and Pure Life Ministries that claim to turn gay people straight.

This scientifically discredited practice called conversion therapy or gay-to-straight therapy was outlawed in California last August and more recently in New Jersey.  The “pray-a-way” practice has often resulted in depression and low self-esteem for the gay people who partake and its long-term effects have not been studied.  Last June, Randy Thomas, the Vice-President of the well-known Exodus International, a religious-based conversion therapy program, apologized to the gay community.

New Campaign Against LGBT Discrimination

Executive Director Wayne Besen of Truth Wins Out, commended the immediate actions of the Salvation Army to correct itself.  Besen said “this is a step in the right direction and congruent with their anti-discrimination campaign.  We hope this action leads to further progress in gaining the full confidence and trust of the LGBT community.”

The Salvation Army’s director of communications claimed the “ex-gay” links were part of an archived page that was inadvertendtly republished when the organization relaunched its site in October.
Jennifer Byrd apologized in the letter for an “oversight and any confusion this may have caused. The Salvation Army does not consider homosexual orientation a sin.  Please know that we serve anyone who comes to our doors without discrimination.”

Message Rings Truer and Clearer

With the Salvation Army distancing itself from conversion therapy with its more LGBT-inclusive policy, as an LGBT-ally, I’ll change my tone and contribute to their charity. I have my change ready. 

Thursday, November 7, 2013

What is Sex? Most Parents & Kids Don’t Know



Seems as if people can’t agree on what constitutes sex. It’s whatever you want it to be.  Is the twelve year-old girl who “goes down” on a boy not having sex?  After all, Bill Clinton “didn’t have sex with that woman“when he did similar sexual acts.

Is a high school girl who has had anal intercourse still considered a “virgin” because she hasn’t had penis-in-vagina intercourse, considered the old definition of sex? If two male pubescent boys are mutually masturbating, are they having sex? Not everyone turns to a dictionary for a definition.

Kinsey Study Has Some Clues

A Kinsey study in 2010 surveyed 500 participants to figure out what qualifiers and acts people considered “doin’ it.” This was the first study of a representative sample to assess attitudes about which sexual behavior constitutes having had sex. Ninety percent believed that penis-in-vagina was sex. Thirty percent thought oral sex wasn’t sex despite the fact that sex is in both definitions.

Planned Parenthood’s All-Encompassing Definition

Planned Parenthood on its website considers sex to be penis-in-vagina intercourse, penis-in-anus intercourse, genital rubbing without intercourse, oral/genital contact, and masturbation. As the website says, “the possibilities are endless.”

Sexual experience may be a better term to encompass all sexual behaviors.  If you talk to your kids about sex as if it only applies to penis-in-vagina sex, they may think your words of wisdom do not apply to them; in their mind, they haven’t “gone all the way.” Don’t waste your breath!

Responsibility Associated with Sex

It may be better to discuss other forms of sexual expression as well and label them “sex” too. As you discuss these behaviors, that hopefully you will couch with your values, be certain that you emphasize the responsibility inherent with those choices.  Your children need to make decisions about protection before they engage in vaginal, anal or oral sex to keep themselves free of sexually-transmitted diseases.  And as parents, we have the responsibility to keep the dialogue going.

Thursday, October 17, 2013

October is National Bullying Prevention Month


October 17  Is Spirit Day To Support LGBTQ Youth

Started in 2010, GLAAD Spirit Day is a way to take a stand against LGBTQ bullying after many LGBTQ teens took their own lives after being bullied. Each October, people, businesses, schools, web pages and celebrities all wear purple to demonstrate their support for LGBT Teens.

Did you know that:
  • ·      Bullying keeps as many as 160,000 kids out of school on any given day for fear of being bullied.
  • ·      Roughly eight out of 10 LGBTQ students experience harassment while at school.
  • ·      63% report they feel unsafe.
  • ·      47% of girls are bullied either face-to-face or online. 34% of boys are bullied.

GLAAD's Spirit Day

GLAAD, a non-profit organization whose mission is to showcase positive images of LGBTQ people in the media, suggests that everyone show support by wearing purple on October 17. Many people are also turning their profile pictures purple on Facebook and other social media pages. To sign up visit http://glaad.org/spiritday

How Parents Can Prevent Bullying At Home

Spirit Day is just one day a year.  Why not bullyproof  your children for the entire school year by::

·      Having specific discussions with them about what bullying behaviors look like and make sure your kids know these behaviors will not be tolerated in your family.
·      Make sure your kids know the effect bullying has on others. 
·      If your kids see LGBTQ persons being bullied, teach them to intercede, either by themselves or getting an authority figure involved.
·      Help your child understand that “different” does not mean less than.Be certain to talk about cyberbullying.  Not only is it public and permanent, but the relative anonymity makes kids bolder.

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

World Suicide Prevention Day is September 10.


Rejected LGBT Persons Particularly Vulnerable to Suicide

Suicide is a growing public health crisis. There were more than 38,000 suicides in 2010 in the United States, an average of 105 daily, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. There is one suicide for every twenty-five attempted suicides.

Sobering Statistics from Family Acceptance Project

Dr. Caitlin Ryan, Director of the Family Acceptance Project at San Francisco State, says her research shows that “common rejecting behavior such as trying to prevent LGBT youth from learning about their identity, not allowing them to have gay friends or not letting them participate in an LGBT youth group, for example, are related to a 9-times greater likelihood of attempted suicide.”

Did you know that:

  • ·      suicide rate for gay and lesbian youth is four times greater than for heterosexuals.
  • ·      Gays and lesbians between fifteen and twenty-four are up to three times more likely to report suicidal thoughts (ideation) and up to seven times more likely to report having attempted suicide than heterosexuals.

Suicide is Preventable!

For National Suicide Prevention Month, September, The Trevor Project, a suicide prevention hotline, has a campaign called Trevor Talk To Me.org.

The campaign makes it wise to offer help and be willing to connect a person with life-saving resources. Twenty national organizational partners representing leaders in mental health, education, suicide prevention, youth and LGBT communities are sharing the messages of Talk to Me.

The Three Steps To Take:
  • ·      Take the pledge at Talk To Me.org.
  • ·      Ask for free video training for your child’s school aimed at grades 6-12.
  • ·      Contact your senator and representative so that prevention programs continue to be          federally funded.

Giving a depressed LGBT person an opportunity to open up and share their troubles can help alleviate their pain and open a path to solutions. 
  

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Denial: Suggestions to Combat It


Denial: Suggestions to Combat It
Your son or daughter just told you that he/she is gay. Shocked, you blurted out:
  • It must be a phase you’re going through!
  • You’re too young to know!
  •  How could you be?  You were just dating Sally!
  •  How can you be sure?
  • You’re too feminine/masculine to be gay.

Exclamations like these are common for parents who are taken by surprise. They smack of denial.  According to Jonathan Tobkes, M.D., a psychiatrist who sees many parents of LGB children in Manhattan, “denial is the most common defense reaction that a person will experience when first confirmed with information suggesting that a child may be gay.”

Heading Towards Acceptance

Ultimately, as a parent, you probably want to arrive at acceptance for your child’s sexual orientation.   By to do so, you have to face your denial head-on so it becomes less painful and you are able to face reality. By reexamining your expectations for your child, you become more sensitive to your son’s or daughter’s needs.

Ways to Rid Yourself of Denial

How do you do this?  Dr. Tobkes, who teaches and supervises psychiatry residents at the New York-Presbyterian Weill Cornell Medical Center, New York, suggests:
  1. ·      Try to find parents who’ve been through similar experiences and talk to them.
  2. ·      Reach out to supportive family members and/or friends who will be positive.
  3. ·      Try to overcome your misconceptions and stereotypes of GLBT person and replace with realistic models.
  4. ·      You may want to consult a therapist. Without knowing or understanding that you’re using denial, it’s hard to break down the defense and come to terms with the reality of the situation.
  5. ·      Join a community support group such as Parents of Lesbians & Gays.

Summary: 

The most important steps for working through your denial involve direct and honest conversation with your child and other family members. If you aren’t used to starting important conversations within your family, a therapist can help you by providing you with the appropriate language. 

Sunday, August 25, 2013

10 Things Your LGBT Kid Wants To Hear From You


In my blog on 7/28/13, I suggested “10 Things Your Gay Child Does Not Want To Hear From You.” http://www.straightparentgaykid.blogspot.com. Now, I suggest what you may want to tell him/her, based on research, to encourage discussion and an ongoing dialogue.

Ten Points to Cover:
1.     Thank you for sharing your story with me.  It must have been hard for you to tell me (shows pride and encourages further dialogue).
2.     I’m proud that have the presence at your age to come out.  It shows confidence, honesty, and self-awareness.
3.     I love you and always will. ( all kids, not just LGBT ones, who feel vulnerable, want unconditional love and acceptance). So often, LGBT kids are told that it’s not o.k.to be “different.”
4.     How long have your known? (shows interest in their journey to gayness).
5.     Would you like me to discuss your orientation with other family members? If so, whom? It’s your call.  Have you told your sister? Brothers? Extended family? (shows respect for privacy – it’s his or her story).
6.     Who at school knows?  Friends? Teacher?  Guidance counselor?
7.     Do you have support groups for your orientation?  Gay-Straight Alliance, chat rooms on-line, etc. (Besides your support, your child will obtain further help from LGBT community, particularly from own age group).
8.     How do you feel about being gay?  Are you accepted at school? (opens up conversation about possible self-hatred or harassment from others and possible need for therapy, especially if depression exhibited).
9.     Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? Are they out?  I’d like to meet them (shows interest in whom is important in their life and acceptance of their sexual orientation).
10.   Now, that I know you’re gay, I intend to find out more about gay issues.  I hope you will educate me as well (shows open mind and ability to have your child take the lead – this is one area where they will most likely know more than you!).

Monday, August 19, 2013

Hypothetical Letter to Kaitlyn Hunt



Dear Kaitlyn,

I’ve been riveted to your case for months now.  I don’t have a “Free Kaitlyn” T-shirt or decal for my car to prove it, but I was horrified to learn that because, you, as a eighteen year-old, had sex with a minor, 14, now 15, that you could have gone to prison for up to fifteen years, and been labelled a sexual predator! Your profile does not fit one of a sexual predator or “perp” (as Law and Order televison show would have it!)

Your Charges
Kids like you are having sex in high school, gasp, even in middle school. You claim to be in love with the victim, a fifteen-year-old, a basketball teammate, but we never hear from the victim, only her parents who went to the sheriff’s office to press charges against you.  Your victim’s parents told the Sheriff’s office that you two had sex in the Sebastian River High School bathroom (not cool!).  What were you thinking?  You might as well have made love on the football field with spectators packed in the bleachers!  The parents also said their daughter ran away from home to your house where she stayed.  This is called “interfering with parental custody,” another strike against you.

Victim in Therapy
I don’t know if you’re a lesbian for life or just experimenting.  Obviously, your love interest is unhappy at home.  According to the local paper, she is in therapy.  I don’t know if this is a form of conversion therapy on the parent’s part to make their daughter straight or whether you really messed up her head.  Your parents claim that the victim’s parents knew that you were dating.

Your Parents Accept Your Gayness
Your parents don’t seem to have a problem with you’re being a practicing lesbian and have taken to the Internet (Change.org.) to garner signatures  (well over 200,000 to date) to get sympathizers for your case and have it reduced to a misdemeanor. Your father, divorced from your mother, has also raised money on the Internet (“go fund me”) for your defense fund. Your parents believe that the judges involved in your case are homophobic, yet if you receive misdemeanors, instead of felony charges for lewd and lascivious battery charges and interfering with parental custody, your case will be similar to two precedent ones of heterosexual high school students in the same county. They received misdemeanors for having sex with underage victims.  But they also obeyed the judge’s orders.

No Touch the i-pod Touch
Your defense team turned down an earlier plea offer for a child abuse charge.  However, you and your mother have violated the conditions of your pretrial release.  Big time.  You were told not to have contact with the victim on February 17th, yet sent over two dozen pornographic shots of yourself on March 7th and April 3rd to the victim.  You gave the victim an i-pod Touch in March and sent over 20,000 text messages to your girlfriend.  Your mother is acting like an accomplice and told the victim to delete the text messages.  You, your mother, and if the victim deletes the messages, are flaunting your entitlement!

Risky Business
During your senior year in high school you were a honor student, an athlete, a cheerleader, yet you still could go to jail.  I read in the newspaper this morning that you second plea deal keeping you out of jail has been withdrawn. The attorney for the underage victim told News Channel 5  that the prosecution withdrew the plea deal offer owing to the violation of your pretrial release. 
Now, with no plea deal being offered, you’re facing felony charges, jail time, and could become a registered sex offender if convicted.  Tomorrow afternoon you have a hearing.  God help you!
    
  

Monday, August 12, 2013

Protect Your Child Against Cyberbullies


School is about to start.  As I mentioned in my last post, LGBT kids often dread the school year because compared to heterosexuals, they are bullied two to three times more. Perhaps, even more insidious and pervasive than bullying is cyberbullying. As Ellen Friedrichs, editor of About.com GLBT Teens, writes: “the barrier provided by the Internet allows some people to be incredibly cruel in ways they probably wouldn’t be if they were standing right in front of the person they were bashing.”

What is Cyberbullying?
Cyberbullying is on-line practice of harassment. on-line and over-cell phones, with intention to harm.  A cyberbully could be a classmate, neighbor or anonymous user. He can text, use social networking sites such as Twitter, Facebook, and You Tube as well as Instagram, Tumblr and other photo and blog sites. With the proliferation of these sites, their speed, and anonymity, the door has been opened for criminals.  And it’s easy for your child to be a target!

Effects of Bullying
We’ve all read about the tragic ongoing suicides of LGBT kids that are harassed. They have such low self-esteem.  According to a study in the Journal of Adolescent Health, 6/12/13, teenage victims of cyberbullying are most likely to develop symptoms of depression, substance abuse and internet addiction.
As cyberbullying is a growing problem that doesn’t seem to dissipate, parents need to know how it operates.
·      Someone can get your child’s password and use it to send fake messages or post fake comments.
·      A perpetrator can create a fake profile of another person.
·      Groups can gang up on your child online.
·      A cyberbully can post unattractive or unflattering pictures or videos of your child.
·      Non-respectful people can post nasty things to your child online privately or in a public space.

What Parents Can Do To Thwart Bullies
·      Report cyberbullying.
·      Don’t respond and don’t forward messages.
·      Cancel social networking, e-mail and cell phone accounts and open new accounts.
·      Block the bullies and unfriend them.
·      Keep evidence of cyberbullying. Save emails and bullying messages.
·      If being bullied on Facebook, report the “perp” to the site’s administrator and block the bully.

For Serious Bullying, Involve the Police
Criminal Acts are classified as:
·      Threats of violence.
·      Child pornography or sending sexually explicit messages or photos.
·      Taking a photo/video of someone in place where he/she would expect privacy.
·      Stalking and hate crimes

Report Cyberbullying to School Administration when
·      Schools can use the information to help inform.
·      In some states, prevention and response strategies in schools are required to address cyberbullying in their anti-bullying policy.
·      Some state laws also cover off-campus behavior that’s reflected in a hostile school environment.
For more tips, see the U.S. Government’s anti-bullying initiative and resource website:.http://stopbullyinggov./cyberbullying-

Practice The Golden Rule
Finally, ask your kid if he/she has been bullied and if he/she has bullied others.  Remind your child that there are two basic rules about bullying: treat everyone with respect and always tell an adult whenever he experiences or witnesses bullying.


Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Back-to-School Bullying



How You Can Help Your Child From Being Bullied
For many school kids, going back to school is a pleasant experience: fresh start, new clothes, new teachers, and getting reacquainted with classmates. But for many GLBT children, back-to-school represents another year of enduring being bullied or harassed by homophobic classmates, and even teachers!
What LGBT School Kids Have Reported:
  • ·      GLSEN (The Gay Lesbian Straight Education Network) documented that 9 out of 10 LGBT teens are the victims of anti-gay bullying.
  • ·      LGBT students are most apt to skip school, often as much as one day per month. Nearly 160,000 children miss school out of fear of being bullied.
  • ·      Four out of five LGBT youth say they don’t know one supportive adult at school.
  • ·      Twenty-eight percent of gay students will drop out of school. This represents more than three times the national average for heterosexual students.

Don’t Count On Schools To Protect Your Child
In a perfect world, adults such as a counselor, teacher, nurse or principal should come to the aid of an LGBT child who is being harassed.  But, as you see from the above statistics, those in position to help often turn their backs. This creates an even greater necessity for parents to support their LGBT children at home.

Although thirty-nine states have anti-bullying laws, only California, Iowa, Maryland, New Jersey, Oregon, Vermont and Washington state have laws that specifically protect LGBT students from bullying based on sexual orientation and gender identity.  The Safe Schools Improvement Act reintroduced in Congress would amend the federal Safe and Drug-Free Schools and Communities Act to require schools receiving federal funds to adopt codes prohibiting bullying and harassment on the basis of sexual orientation and gender identity, race and religion.

What You Can Do At Home To Support Your Child
  • ·      Have your child describe situations that smack of bullying.  What should he/she do when it happens?
  • ·       What was the outcome of the bullying?  What did the school say about bullying and what did they advise to do about it?
  • ·   Ask your child what works and doesn’t work in that situation. Who in school handled the harassment well and who didn’t?    
  •     Most bullies want to see their targets upset.  When they don’t get a reaction, they are likely to stop. Prepare your child by role playing. Practice strategies so your child will be prepared and feel confident. Come up with a 2 or 3 step reaction process to rehearse counter attacks.
  • ·         Tell the bully to stop and if he doesn’t, tell an adult. Emphasize that this is not tattling! 

For more suggestions, see http://www.MyKindnessCounts.com




Sunday, August 4, 2013

Blew Your Child's Coming Out? Ways to Recover


In my last post, I shared tips on what NOT to say to your gay child after he/she has come out – you know, stuff they would NOT want to hear.  But suppose, during your child’s revelation, you  felt threatened and scarred, and like a frightened animal, lashed out – not with biting or violent attacks, but with insensitive hurtful remarks?

You probably left the room and the conversation in a huff.  If so, it’s time for you, the parent, to set things right with your child.  You may have been unprepared for his coming out and blown your cool, but you can prepare yourself this time for talks to recover. One of the gifts of parenting is that you can always readdress a situation gone badly.

Here are some examples of what you can say and do to reconcile:
1.     You know you really threw me off when you told me you were gay (lesbian, bisexual), I wasn’t expecting it.  So, I acted badly. I apologize for my past insensitivities and hope you will forgive me. I needed time to digest the news.
2.     Thanks for sharing it with me. It really took a lot of courage for you to tell me/us.  I’m sure you felt vulnerable and yet had the strength and self-esteem to come out.
3.     I am honored that you felt the need to make us/me an important part of his/her future. You must want us as part of your life or we wouldn’t have been told.
4.     I love you no matter what and I’m still your parent. Nothing will change between you and I. We will always support you.
5.     I will always regard you as my son, daughter who is kind, funny, smart. (or substitute your own applicable adjectives).You haven’t changed.
6.     It’s o.k. to admit that you don’t have all the answers.  Remind him that you might need help while you are trying to understand.  You may have questions that you hope aren’t offensive to him/her.  Ask for his patience.
7.     However, don’t deal with your issues in front of your child and make him feel guilty. You may feel overwhelmed, but probably not as much as your child who deals with his gayness on a day-to-day basis.  There is support for parents which will allow you to rethink your attitudes so that you can put your child’s health and well-being ahead of your own moral/religious beliefs.
8.     Listen, listen, listen to his concerns and ask how you can best support him/her. You want to encourage an ongoing dialogue, not a one-time conversation.
9.     Just as important as what you say is the ambience in which you converse.  Don’t have any distractions like cell phones, television, computers on.
10.  Don’t talk when you’re tired, rushed to go somewhere, preparing dinner.  Make time to talk.
11.  Watch your body language. Eye contact is important.
12.  Stay calm.  Make sure you are both cooled down before speaking.  If not, then suggest another time.

Sunday, July 28, 2013

10 Things Your Gay Child Does NOT Want to Hear From You



You may consider it a compliment that your gay child feels close enough to you to reveal his true self, especially if he thinks his revelation is going to disappoint you.  Or you may feel proud that your child is so self-aware that he knows his sexual orientation at a tender age.  Or you may be in awe that you daughter, knowing she might face rejection, has the self-confidence to come out to classmates.  Or perhaps you’re relieved that the inkling that you had about your son’s sexual orientation has now been confirmed by his coming out.

Research Shows that Most Coming Outs Don’t Go Well

Despite the country’s growing acceptance of gay marriage and other issues, the researchers at The Family Acceptance Project at San Francisco State University found that most coming outs by kids to their straight parents do not go well.  The news is always a jolt.  Your child may have thought for a long time about how and when she was going to tell you, but you have only a split-second to respond.
Without preparation, it’s easy for a parent to utter the wrong messages to sensitive ears.  Here’s a helpful list of what not to say.

1.     You’re too young to know:  Most GLBT kids sense they are “different” early on.  Even if they are virgins, they know they are attracted to the same sex.  You may be in denial and wishful thinking.
2.     How could you be?  You were just dating Bobby:  Many gay teens wish they were heterosexual.  As it’s the accepted majority, why not try to fit in?  So, they try the norm first.
3.     You’re so girly-girly.  Are you sure you’re a lesbian? Your daughter doesn’t have to be dressed in black leather head-to-toe, have a buzz cut, and multiple piercings to look queer.  There are “lipstick lesbians” such as singer Chely Wright and actress Jane Lynch who look feminine and not “butch.”
4.     How could you do this to me? Children don’t like disappointing their parents.  Sexual orientation is not a choice; as Lady Gaga sings, ‘You’re born this Way.’ You’re probably disappointed because of YOUR expectations for your child, which do not include homosexuality.
5.     You haven’t had Sex yet:  You don’t need to have sex to know whom you’re attracted to.  If the opposite sex doesn’t turn you on, but your own does, then you may be gay.
6.     Don’t tell the rest of the family. It’ll Kill them:  Do not ‘out’ your child to others, without his permission, anyway.  The decision about whom to tell, and when, belongs to your child.  Privacy does not equal shame.  Worst time to tell family members?  Holidays.
7.     Are you sure?  Your life will be more difficult:  Life for any gay or lesbian person can be more difficult due to society’s prejudice, but you can’t change your sexual orientation to make life easier.
8.     No more sleepovers! That’s it: You didn’t encourage your kid’s sexuality by allowing sleepovers any more than an “R” rated movie will cause your child to have sex afterwards.  But if you ban sleepovers, your child will find a way to get around your rules, and it may just be at another house that’s parentless.
9.     You need to go to church more:  You can not pray gay away and convert the person.  You may suppress the desire initially, but it will result in depression, self-hatred. Even gay-to-straight conversion camps like Exodus International are apologizing for their former claims.
1.  People Will Look At Us Differently: Families with GLBT children invite comments, some homophobic, some supporting. You will find out quickly whom your true friends are.