Wednesday, September 27, 2017

How To Be An Ally At Home



This week (September 25-29) K-12 students will celebrate Ally Week in schools across the United States.  Sponsored by GLSEN.org, (Gay, Lesbian, Straight Education Network) students will have activities that will display their support for their LGBT friends.

An LGBT child’s home should be his haven.  How does a straight parent make it so all the time?

Here are some tips:

Provide unconditional love for your LBTQ children.  Accept them as they are.  Don’t think they will outgrow “this phase.”  In most cases, it’s not a “phase.”  Don’t try to convert them to heterosexuality.  It will only result in low self-esteem, guilt, and the gay-to-straight camps are not successful at converting to heterosexuality in the long run anyway.
If you can’t accept, work on it!  Attend PFLAG meetings that are run by parents, who once like you, needed guidance to overcome obstacles that prevented them from acceptance.  Confide in a trusted, positive friend who won’t belittle you for your concern about your child.
Educate yourself.  There are many on-line organizations that can help you. One is Family Acceptance Project @San Francisco State familyacceptanceproject has PDFs you can download for help with common issues that hinder acceptance.
Are you flattered that your son/daughter paid you the highest compliment by revealing their sexual orientation?  It took courage.
Look at this opportunity to have honest, open dialogues that you can build on in the near future.
Realize that your child’s sexual identity does not change his personality.


According to Jonathan L. Tobkes, M.D., co-author of When Your Child Is Gay: What You Need To Know (Sterling, 2016), “acceptance involves acknowledging the reality of a particular situation and recognizing that it is not in your power to change it.  The only way to alleviate internal angst and achieve a sense of equanimity is through acceptance. “

To demonstrate that you have your child’s back, consider these suggestions:

You do not feel a qualitative difference between your straight child and your gay child.
You don’t have to march to be a gay rights activist, but should speak up with you see injustices such as school bullying.
Don’t avoid the topic of dating and relationships with your LGBTQ child.  Invite his significant other to dinner just as you would your straight child, for example. You can talk to other family members and friends about your child being gay, but
Find out how your child wants to handle letting relative and close family friends know.
Is your child happy?  What could be more important to a parent?
Realize the benefits of having a gay child.  Does it make you more sympathetic to those who are “different?”

Look At the Positive Now!


Are you flattered that your son/daughter paid you the highest compliment by revealing their sexual orientation?  It took courage.
Look at this opportunity to have honest, open dialogues that you can build on in the near future.
Realize that your child’s sexual identity does not change his personality.
Is your child happy?  What could be more important to a parent?
Realize the benefits of having a gay child.  Does it make you more sympathetic to those who are “different?”