Monday, October 9, 2017

Why Do We Have National Coming Out Day?



National Coming Out Day is an annual LGBTQ Awareness Day on October 11.  It actually started on 1987 with the National March on Washington for Lesbian and Gay Rights.  Observed in the U.S. and Switzerland as well as seven other countries, you may see participants wearing pink triangles or carrying rainbow flags.

Did you know that one out of every two Americans has someone close to them who is gay/lesbian, according to the Human Rights Campaign?  By breaking the silence of being in the closet and electing to come out, the LGBTQ community, in numbers, demonstrates to the world that they are not alone.  Once the straight community knows they have loved ones who are “gender queer,” they will be less likely to foster homophobic or oppressive views.

Although it would be ideal if everyone felt he could come out, it is never correct for a parent to push a child into coming out.  The child should come out when he is ready and when he does, parents should ask for permission to tell others.  It’s his story.

To be an ally during National Coming Out Day, you don’t have to march.  But at home, you might employ these subtle ways to make your LGBTQ child feel comfortable so that he may want to come out to you.  Or if he has come out, suggests Jonathan L. Tobkes, M.D., co-author of When Your Child Is Gay: What You Need To Know ( Sterling, 2016), make him feel as supported as his heterosexual brother/sister by:

Asking your child the same questions you ask your other children.  Specifically, don’t avoid the topic of dating and relationships.  Be sure to invite the significant other to family dinners or functions in the same way you would for a partner of a straight child.  From time to time, make a point of asking your child how his significant others are doing, what are new with them, and so forth.
Accept whatever your child tells you about his sexuality as hard fact and do not try and convince him that he must be either straight or gay.
The most important thing is to make it clear to your child that sexual orientation is only one part of who he is and that it has no bearing on your love for or acceptance of him.

For further tips, see http://www.hrc.org. The Human Rights Campaign has guides and resources such as A Resource Guide to Coming Out, Coming Out to Your Doctor, Coming Out at Work.