Monday, October 8, 2018

Not Coming Out on LGBTQ Awareness Day



October 11 is the 30th annual LGBTQ Awareness Day. The purpose of the day is to make LGBTQ orientation more familiar to the public, reduce bullying, and help foster allies in the fight for equality.

Although it would be ideal if everyone felt he could come out, the LGBT child has his own timeline.  Tempting as it may be, it’s not a good idea for a parent to push a child into coming out.  The child should come out when he is ready and when he does, parents should ask for permission to tell others.  Your child may only be out to a few people he trusts and does not want everyone to know.  It’s his story. 

If a child does come out to you on October 11 or any other date, make it his experience, recommends Dr. Logan Stohle, PsyD. Of Yellowbrick, a psychiatric center for young adults in Evanston, Illinois.  Don’t bring up your concerns at that time. Even if you don’t agree or understand your child’s sexual orientation, now is not the time to question.  Just listen. 

Says Jonathan L. Tobkes, M.D., author of When Your Child Is Gay: What You Need To Know (2016, Sterling), you might employ these subtle ways to make your LBTQ child feel as supported as his heterosexual brother/sister by:

Asking your child the same questions you ask your other children.  Specifically, don’t avoid the topic of dating and relationships.  Be sure to invite the significant other to family dinners or functions in the same way you would for a partner of a straight child.  From time to time, make a point of asking your child how his significant others are doing, what are new with them, and so forth.

Accept whatever your child tells you about his sexuality as hard fact and do not try and convince him that he must be either straight or gay. 

The most important thing is to make it clear to your child that sexual orientation is only one part of who he is and that it has no bearing on your love for or acceptance of him.